Moving On

I've opened a new blog. If you're interested in following along with my latest adventures, I'd love to have you say hello! For long time readers who joined me when my focus was weight loss, I'm afraid I'm not returning to blogging about that. But I have lots of fun things going on, and I hope you'll join me!

Manifest Magic

Wow. I cannot believe I've been gone since August. Actually, I guess that's not true. I deliberately abandoned this blog because what I'd started here was quite far from what I wanted to write about. Still, it doesn't seem like I've been gone from here as long as I have.

Lots going on. I'm writing a self-help book about overcoming depression. I'm really excited about it, actually. It's fun and (I hope) helpful. Practical, too.

I started selling my jewelry at an online shop on Etsy. I love working with crystals, and I've been making my own pieces for a while, so this seemed like a natural progression (especially because I want to keep making things, but my own jewelry collection is bursting now).

The kids are doing well, and we're all anxiously awaiting spring. Which, to be honest is still a few months off but I can dream, right?

Ignorant American

I must get rid of this headache. I'm not sure if it's sinus related or if it's because I did a heavy duty cleaning of the dryer and its vents. I couldn't believe how much junk was in there. Definitely worth the time, but the dust kicked up wasn't pleasant.

Speaking of sinuses, did I mention I am seeing an ENT (ear, nose & throat specialist)? This is the same man who did Rohan's tubes. I had a CAT scan done on Monday, and I have a long-term infection in my poor little sinuses. I'm on three weeks of antibiotics now, in the hopes that those will solve the problem. Then another CAT scan and we'll see what happens. Even though I'm no longer afraid of anesthesia, I'm still hoping I don't have to have the surgery. I mean, really...who wants surgery if they don't have to have it?

I don’t eat meat anymore. I’ve been getting the feeling that meat simply isn’t right for me. The last few times I’ve had it, I've gotten ill afterwards. I’ve never been a big meat eater, but lately it’s been even more pronounced. So, I prayed to God/the angels/my guides and said, “If meat isn’t good for me to eat, then please take away my desire for it.” That was the end of that. I haven’t eaten even a bit of meat since before I went to Gatlinburg. Probably not since Reilly and Dan were here, actually. Yesterday I gave away my remaining meat-containing soups and spaghetti sauces to my neighbor and didn’t feel the slightest twinge for them. I've been eating that sauce for probably 12 years. No desire whatsoever to have it. Weird, huh?

I feel very peaceful. How do I explain this? I no longer feel like I’m searching for something. That Reiki did something to me, I swear. It’s not that I think I should be practicing Reiki professionally, but the class and the attunements gave me this sense of calm. To the extent that I went through my Firefox bookmarks and deleted a bunch of metaphysical sites I thought I might want to explore some day. Not interested.

I feel that everything is going to work out for the highest good as long as I pay attention to my intuition. We shall see where that takes me.

Wednesday night was the last ESL class until September 3. It was also the last class that Aaron’s going to be teaching. He’s quitting so he can concentrate on law school. I’m really going to miss him.

ESL is held in a church, and I leave the parking lot through the side, much less traveled entrance. As my car swung towards the turn, I noticed two of the Chinese students standing there with their bikes and two white men. One of the white men was holding a dog on a leash. Turns out the female student had been startled by the dog and fell off her bike, resulting in a nasty gash on her knee. Her English is really bad, and her husband was pretty upset, so his English wasn’t as great as it normally is.

The guy with the dog said, “She fell off her bike. She’s fine though. They don’t speak English, so you can’t talk to them.”

“Hey, guys. Are you OK?”

“Don’t bother, they won’t understand you,” he said condescendingly.

“Sha, is she OK?” I asked, ignoring the white guy.

“She’s fine,” the white guy responded. “Do you know these people?”

“Yes. I’m their English teacher.”

The wife looked at me and said, “Hospital.”

“She doesn’t need to go to a hospital!” the white guy exploded.

That’s when I lost it. “I think she’d be a better judge of whether or not it hurts enough for her to go to the hospital, don’t you think?” I was so pissed, the words shot out of me like bullets.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“There’s no need for you to be so rude to them, so just calm down,” I snapped over my shoulder as I went to greet the other tutors who’d come out of the upper level class.

“I’m not the one who needs to calm down,” he muttered.

There was some discussion amongst the three Americans who’d now come up and the two white guys about what to do with her. The belligerent dude said he was a coach and that she just needed to clean out her wound and she’d be fine. He volunteered to go home and get his first aid kit. I went back into the church while they were all talking about this and retrieved a first aid kit from there.

I cleaned and bandaged her injury (USMC first aid comes in handy sometimes), and then the guy came back. He’d brought ice and Neosporin and gave Sha and his wife extra bandages to take home.

Honestly, when he came back, he could not have been nicer. I don’t know if it was because so many English speakers (read: Americans) were there or if he’d thought about how nasty he was to her, but he ended up being really decent. I was impressed that he even came back, but then he also offered to drive them home. We didn’t let him though—two of the other tutors took them. :o) At any rate, I do hope I made him think about how he treats people. When I left, he was talking to one of the women about when he church offers ESL classes.

I’ll tell you what, though; I was so upset when I came home. Things like that really stick with me. Hiren held me for a long time and said sweet things to me like, “You made a difference with that guy. Do you think he would have gone and gotten a first aid kit if you hadn’t driven up?” I didn’t feel much better, so I did a visualization exercise. I’ll pass it along here in case anyone ever wants to try it.

I imagined my aura. It looked good, except there was this big black spike in it from the guy. I pulled the spike out and imagined giving it back to him, but then decided he didn’t deserve to have to carry it around either. So, I pictured myself driving the spike into the ground near a tree. The tree didn’t mind, and had no problem dissolving the negative energy. Then I sent myself, the guy, Sha, and his wife some healing white light so we’d all feel better. When I opened my eyes after visualizing this, I felt fine.

I am grateful for the following:

1. Being able to sit outside in this lovely weather, listening to the birds, and typing on my laptop.

2. Reiki class.

3. Green tea.

4. My ENT doctor. I know he'll fix me up, one way or another.

5. Gorgeous summer flowers, especially the sweet peas that are growing up the side of my chimney.

Olympic Glory

If you haven't seen the men's 400m relay video, please do yourself a favor and check it out here. I don't think this is country specific; I imagine that anyone could appreciate a good race, which this definitely is.

Unguided

dreaming hillsides
Originally uploaded by blue_fam

I don't feel guided to write here anymore. I don't feel comfortable with expressing myself in such an open forum. I'm not entirely sure I'm going to continue with this blog.

I had my first day of Reiki I training today, and during the second attunement, I started coughing. The Reiki Master later explained to me that the coughing means I'm not expressing myself or maybe that I'm not being true to myself. Immediately, I thought of this blog.

I'm not going to do anything hasty. I'll ruminate on it and pray on it and take reader feedback, obviously. I might take this blog down and put up an entirely new one that has no connection to the past that I have here. We shall see what happens.

I Have Returned!

Gondolas
Originally uploaded by Garry'

We returned from Pigeon Forge, TN, last night. We'd gone there on Thursday night to meet up with my family as well as Hiren's parents. My mom and stepdad rented a cabin on a mountain and it couldn't have been more fun. Everyone got to do what they wanted to do, and we were all left with things on our list that we'd like to get to next time.

The two adventures I went on was a trip to the Forbidden Caverns and the Pigeon Forge Gem Mine. Both were great fun, but I loved the Gem Mine best. It was so kitschy, but it was an absolute blast once you surrendered to that fact.

Pigeon Forge itself is...interesting. I guess what I like about it the most is that they've managed to create a thriving economy in what would otherwise be an extraordinarily depressed, poverty stricken area. Five minutes off the main road of Pigeon Forge seems like stepping over the border into another, very poor country. I would be interested to see how their schools are faring with the No Child Left Behind law.

My niece, Charlotte, and Rohan got along famously. She's nine months older than him, but they're pretty much the same size because he's so big. They were constant pals, and Charlotte even referred to him as "my buddy." Too cute!

Ashlan went to South Carolina with my in-laws. We'll be meeting them in Wisconsin in a few weeks, where we're going to have a meet-up with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and (other) niece. LOTS of traveling lately.

In other news, I start my Reiki I course on Saturday. The class is 9-5 on Saturday and Sunday, both. Pretty intensive, but I'm really looking forward to it. It sounds fascinating:

Beginner’s Class (Reiki I):
Beginning students will learn how to use Reiki energy to first work on your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual cleansing. With a focus on learning the hand positions and how to draw and release energy, students will learn

* Benefits of Reiki
* History of Reiki
* Affirmation, Intentions and Expectations
* Higher Sources of Assistance and Guidance
* How to identify the aura, feeling and seeing the life force energy, and the purpose of each major chakra.
* Tapping into intuition
* Preparation of a client for Reiki

Four traditional Usui Reiki attunements will be individually offered by the Master Teacher over the two-day course. A course manual, binder, handouts, luncheon and snacks, and ample supervised practice periods are included. With a comprehensive training program and your Level I Certificate, the student will be prepared to provide self-treatments, as well as provide pain and stress relief to family members and friends.

I am grateful for the following:

1. The lovely trip I had with my family.
2. Safe travels.
3. That Ashlan is getting to spend some time with my in-laws. ;o)
4. Reiki class!
5. Gem mining.

Don't Quit

Beaver Marsh Boardwalk at Sunrise
Originally uploaded by MarknCLE2007

I carried this around with me the entire time I was in boot camp (this and the "To Be or Not To Be" soliloquy from Hamlet). It was on at little card the size of a business card. I put it in a plastic Ziploc baggie to prevent it from the inevitable mud and muck of Marine Corps Recruit Training at Parris Island, S.C. I read it nearly every day.

DON'T QUIT
by Edgar A. Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
when the funds are low and the debts are high,
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit - rest if you must,
but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow - you may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man;
often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor's cup;
and he learned too late when the night came down,
how close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out - the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and when you never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems afar;
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - it's when things seem worst,
you must not quit.

About That Clutter

Smokey
Originally uploaded by azmiaam

How to say all this without sounding like a condescending, spoiled, rich bitch? No clue. I am so sick of de-cluttering my house. I am completely revolted by all the crap I've accumulated in my life. I have finally entered that state where I just want all the superfluous items GONE. Why in the holy hell do I still have the program from my 1989 high school graduation? Can I tell you how many times I've actually opened it up since I got it? None. Not one time since that night have I opened it up and admired my name in there. In fact, I didn't even open it up "just to see" before I finally FINALLY tossed it into the trash can.

My mantra has become either you love it or it's useful. Otherwise, toss it out. I recommend this highly. I'm sick of keeping things because I "should." Two garbage bags of "shoulds" got thrown out on Sunday, and two more went for donation this morning.

As to why this frustrates me so, there are several reasons. First of all, one time in ESL class, Aaron asked everyone if they have yard sales in their country. None of them do. Of course, Aaron and I, being spoiled Americans were surprised by this. "What do you do with all your old stuff," queried Aaron.

The answer was a throwback to another era. They use it until they can't possibly use it anymore. They lend/give it to friends. And if there's actually something that doesn't fall into those categories, they put an ad in the paper and sell it.

But me? Oh, if I see a set of measuring cups that I like better than the ones I currently have, I'll buy them and get rid of the old ones. After letting them languish in the basement for a couple of years, of course, just in case I need them again.

Which brings me to the other reason why this clutter issue frustrates me so much. I live in a society where we are encouraged to constantly upgrade our possessions. How pathetic am I that I want a new Sigg (water bottle) just because they're sooooo pretty. This despite the fact that I already HAVE four. I have FOUR Siggs! For myself. That doesn't count how many I've bought for the rest of my family. These things are virtually indestructible, but I have four of them.

Now for the condescending part, although I really don't mean for this to be that way. We actually don't have all that much stuff. You could do aerobics in my basement, that's how much free space is down there. Our garage ALWAYS has room for both of our cars, and we don't even have an attic. We're not that bad, in the scheme of things.

As a culture, it wasn't all that long ago that Americans were not like this. My grandparents were children of the Depression. They knew how to make do or do without. Thank God we don't have to suffer the way they did, but honestly this throwaway culture is a huge part of the reason why America has such an adverse affect on the environment.

We have got to stop this insanity.

Moving on. I really didn't intend for that to become the rant that it did. Sorry about that.

In other news, I've decided to write a book. Non-fiction, self-help.

I am grateful for the following:

1. Flickr. I can't believe the beauty I have access to on that website.

2. The Office. I love that show. It makes me laugh so hard that sometimes I have to pause the DVR and rewind it. We've saved one episode in particular for over a year, and we watch it fairly often. And still scream with laughter every time. It's the one where Dwight pulls out the pepper spray in defense of Jim. This is the same one where Michael goes to corporate to ask for a raise. Funniest thing I've ever seen on TV. Ever.

3. Inspiration.

4. Green tea.

5. All the every day blessings I too often take for granted--my senses, my home, my car, my family, the food I'm privileged to eat, the safe area I'm fortunate to live in. It's too long a list to even list.

Nicole's Bill of Rights (EDITED)

Field of Dreams
Originally uploaded by jianming li

I have been feeling particularly uninterested in computer time lately. I had friends visiting this weekend and was having too much fun with them to bother logging on much. They left on Monday, but maybe they managed to break me of my computer habit. *Oh please, oh please, oh please.*

Just a few notes. I've been decluttering like a maniac. Four loads of junk set out for pickup this morning, five boxes of stuff ready for donation, and I'm not done yet. It feels really good, and I've been rearranging things in places I never even thought of going before (like underneath the table where I fold clothes).

Our CSA has been delivering so much food it's a challenge to eat it all. I made a luscious soup yesterday that was simply all the extras we couldn't eat--12 ears of corn, 3 big zucchinis, 3 yellow squash, 1 head of cabbage, and miscellaneous tomatoes and mushrooms. It tastes SO good. Today, they'll be delivering more of the same, and we'll get our first batch of peaches. I. Can't. Wait.

We started a new tradition at the house which is so much fun. At dinner, we take turns listing five things we're grateful for. I highly recommend it.

Finally, the reason for my post. I read about this last week in a magazine, and instantly realized I needed to do it. If you do one as well, please let me know so I can read it. I'm quite sure I left something important off of mine, and I intend to edit it frequently (although I deliberately left things off that are basic to my existence, like having a safe and loving relationship).

Nicole's Bill of Rights.

1. I have the right to go to the bathroom by myself. Which I guess is a tacky way of saying I have the right to establish boundaries for myself, both with my family and with friends. I have the right to say “no” to things that make me uncomfortable, regardless of how I “should” be feeling.

2. I have the right to explore my religious/spiritual interests without care as to whether or not people think I’m nuts. I have the right to my own ideas and thoughts. (NOTE: Hiren is my crazy measure. If he thinks I’m nuts, then I need to reassess. If he doesn’t, then I’m good.)

3. I have the right to feed my soul every day. Just as I feed my body healthy food, I need to feed my spirit things that it loves, like beautiful photos or lovely scents. I don’t require anything extravagant, but I do require daily maintenance.

4. I have the right to spend time by myself.

5. I have the right to be kind without letting myself be taken advantage of. Along those lines, the first person I need to be kind to is myself.

EDIT.

6. I have the right to filter the news and information I'm exposed to. I am a caring, well-informed individual. I do not have to read about horrific events like brutal customs in other countries or murders or natural disasters. I typically read the headlines and maybe the first paragraph of stories like that, and I've found that's more than enough to be a well informed citizen. It's not necessary to get into all the gory details, and frankly I think our media has gone way overboard on sensationalizing many events, particularly those here in the U.S. On more than one occasion I have abruptly turned the station or closed out a browser window when I realized the story was going to be really bad. This does not mean I'm unsympathetic to the plights of others. Simply it means that I'm doing all I can right now to help make the world a better place. Subjecting myself to horrifying news stories does not help matters, and in fact I can think of several ways in which that would make things worse.

How to Say No

summer
Originally uploaded by jokot

This fantastic list was written by Pamela Redmond Satran for Glamour Magazine's July 2008 issue. I love these because they're short, elegant, kind, and forceful. I'm going to cut the article out and hang it on my bulletin board. With any luck, I'll have them memorized and ready to go when necessary.

1. I'm going to have to pass.
2. I'd love to, but I just don't have the time.
3. I made a resolution to start saying no more often.
4. I don't want to say yes and then let you down.
5. I'd love to, but my boyfriend/kids/boss would freak out if I took on anything else.
6. Not right now.
7. Not this year.
8. You caught me at a terrible moment.
9. I can't say yes.
10. I don't want to say no, but I have to.
11. I'm just not comfortable with that.
12. It's just not right for me.
13. Ask another time.
14. Please cross me off your list.

I think number four is the best. It kind of lets the person know that even if you did say yes, you'd end up screwing her over, so she doesn't want to go there. LOL!

Weigh In Day

a real dream
Originally uploaded by Alex Alexandrovna

Last week I said I'd hit two major milestones in my weight loss efforts, but I didn't want to celebrate them because I felt certain I'd gain weight this week. Well guess what?

I've lost 31 pounds AND I've hit my 10% weight loss goal. Yay!!!!!!! Oooo-ooooo!!

I've been steadily wandering into that "I feel compelled to exercise" area. I've heard about it, but I've always doubted its existence. Now, however, I know it's not a myth. I absolutely love going downstairs, hopping on the treadmill, and entertaining myself with a DVR'd program. This process beckons me, and dare I say, it feeds my soul.

Talk about angels! Hiren just called me. His tire blew out on the highway, but he was able to maintain control and get over to the side of the road. Hiren said the traffic was so close to his car that he couldn't even open his door to get out. I called the non-emergency line for the police, who immediately sent over a patrol car, and AAA arrived just after that. To say that this could have been a disaster is an understatement. Did I mention that Rohan's in the car with him?

Now that I'm thinking about it instead of just reacting to the events, I can barely swallow. My God. It really could have been a disaster. *deep breath*

I just called him again. They changed his tire and he's back on his way. As I said, talk about angels.

Purge

puesta de sol
Originally uploaded by Jose M.Ocaña

I don't know what hit me yesterday, but I went through a filing cabinet of old documents. These were painful things that for years I played the "out of sight, out of mind game" with. Things related to my divorce and extremely bitter custody issues. My Marine Corps records. My VA records from when I first got disability. All of it--painful stuff that took up space in my basement, and I'm sure, in my head.

All of it--GONE.

I saved maybe 20 pieces of paper in total, only the necessary things, and I feel so good. It amazes me how things have power over me, over all of us, I guess. Well, that negative energy is gone, and I highly recommend the process of purging. Especially if you have a cheerful 11-year-old to do the shredding for you. ;o)

Today I got an update on one of our Kiva borrowers, a pharmacist in Sierra Leone named Mary Kamara. You can read the whole thing here (scroll down), but this part affected me so much, I felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. "Mary’s personal life has been improving as well. As a widow, it had been very difficult having to support two children on her own. However, now that her business is growing she is able to pay for her children’s school fees and provide them with a more nutritious diet. She says she is able to feed her children at least two times per day now."

I try to live my life with gratitude, but sometimes I get hit by how much I truly take for granted.

Dear Anonymous

I just received this note on my last entry:

Nicole -You have been an inspiration to me for a couple of years now. I found it amazing that you were able to lose such a large amount of weight. I thought it was wonderful the way your husband loved and supported you through it all. but mostly because he never pressured you into losing weight - but simply accepted you for the person you are. Congrats on that.

I have a concern now - please do not be angry with me or take offense at what I am about to say.

First let me say that I truly recognize each of us has a personal journey and we should always be open to whatever God sends to us, trusting it will mold us into the person he wants us to be.

Frankly - I am concerned about you and your "new" way of thinking about things. Since you went to the seminar - you have very different. Almost to a point of being scary. I would like to ask you to be very careful with what you are opening yourself up to.

A person who has suffered depression is particularly vulnerable to suggestions of others on how to find happiness. Part of depression comes from the fear of losing control and the extreme unhappiness that accompanies depression cause us to seek a way "any way" to be happy.

I wish you well with your journey and I hope you find the ket to your personal happiness - please use caution when opening the innermost part of your heart and soul to people who are telling you things that sound really good.

Remember - the love of money is the root of all evil - I will bet they are making a hefty profit from people (like You) who sincerely are seeking a solution to unhappiness and depression.

Well, since you didn't leave me an email or refer me to a blog, I'm afraid I can't respond to your note privately. Therefore, I'll do it publicly. First, let me say that I find it sweet that you wrote me such a long, heartfelt note. It's nice that you're concerned about me.

But.

I'm quite enjoying myself. I have family and loved ones around me who don't think I'm "scary." I'm also monitored by a psychiatrist who feels that my depression is doing well. He knows what I'm doing to better myself and he's not scared or perplexed by it. I also have two dear friends who are practicing psychologists. I'm quite sure they would speak up if they were concerned about me.

I would say that I am obviously exploring things that make you uncomfortable, and I respect that. I'm not making you walk with me on my journey, and since these things I'm exploring don't make me the slightest bit uncomfortable, I don't see the harm.

"Money is the root of all evil," you tell me. I'm not sure where you're going with that one. Are you referring to the books that I borrow from the library or the free podcasts I download from iTunes? The seminar I went to where the psychic told me I'd had a past life in Germany--and cured me of my phobia of crowds--was free, and I assure you that I saved a heck of a lot of money on counseling bills, so I don't see the money issue there. True, I did spend money to go to the seminar in March. Maybe that's what you're referring to, but "they" haven't been making a whole lot of money off me.

Look, this blog started out as a weight loss blog and some of you who read me then have kind of gotten pulled along. It's not a weight loss blog anymore. You are hereby released from reading it if that's what you're waiting for it to go back to. I will write about my struggles with dieting sometimes, but I don't want to put my energies there, so it won't happen a whole lot. Sorry for the ol' bait and switch routine, but people change, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm something I'm not.

I understand this journey I'm on isn't for everyone. You truly need to find your own way, and the way I'm going simply doesn't resonate with you. I have no problem with that, and I respect your opinion. If you're worried about my soul, thank you, but please don't bother. Honestly, my beliefs are pretty much aligned with many Eastern religions, including my husband's. If he's going to hell, I'd like to be with him so that's fine.

I am not angry with you, and I'm not offended. I actually love the fact that you brought this up so I can address it. I've been wanting to write more about what I'm learning, but I've felt constrained because I don't want people to think I'm weird. Now that I've had this opportunity to speak out, I'm not going to censor myself anymore.

I am quite sure you're not the only reader I have who's concerned about me. I honor the fact that you spoke your truth, just as I hope you will honor the fact that I speak mine whenever I write here.

More On Toronto

grass car, kensington market
Originally uploaded by sweatsock

We went to Chinatown while we were in Toronto--it was the first place I noticed that I wasn't afraid of crowds. Believe me, on a sunny Saturday afternoon in the summer, that place is PACKED. But I was fine and enjoyed wandering around.

Then we decided to walk to Kensington Market, which starts about two blocks away from Chinatown, but my goodness. You can't imagine how different it is.

The shops there are quaint and interesting, but the people there are fascinating. Not just that, but the sights along the way are something to behold. Your brain keeps getting hit by these things that don't fit into your script of everyday living. How can I explain this?

OK. Let's say you're going to the gay section of town. After a while, your brain recognizes that it's seeing some things it might not normally see, and you become accustomed to that. Eventually, you could see a seven-foot tall drag queen who looks JUST like Tina Turner, and you wouldn't even bat an eye.

But in Kensington Market, all the things are different. So, you might see the 7' tall drag queen walking past a well-dressed Asian man picking up peanuts off the street so the pigeons won't get them. And that Asian guy might be blocking the way of a young, clean-cut guy walking his dog. With a parrot on his shoulder. So your brain never gets desensitized to all the new experiences.

I can't even begin to tell you how much FUN this was!! I will go back there in a heartbeat, and I highly recommend it for anyone planning a trip to Toronto.

The next day we went to Little India, which was fun but not nearly as entertaining as Kensington Market. What would be, really?

After that, we drove around Toronto and happened upon a Tibetan store where I bought two greeting cards with quotes from His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. I share them with you here:

"We are visitors on this planet. We are here for 90 or 100 years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. If you contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life."

"To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else. Rather than speaking badly about people and in ways that will produce friction and unrest in their lives, we should practice a purer perception of them, and when we speak of others, speak of their good qualities. If you find yourself slandering anybody, first imagine that your mouth is filled with excrement. It will break you of the habit quickly enough."